Our Journey

It is hard to believe that as I type this I am pregnant. I honestly thought this would never happen for us (at least not on the first try). But here we are 13 weeks pregnant!! Before we started IVF I remember going in to the doctors office and sitting down with them to discuss the procedure. In my mind I didn't think it would take 2 months to do. I kind of pictured it like the IUI's we did that only took a week. I can say that without the support of Bill and our family and friends I didn't think I would make it to the end. But, my cousin Bonnie (who helped us more than she will EVER know) told me if I wanted it bad enough I would overcome my fear of needles and the pain of the whole process. She was right. I did want it bad enough. I guess it is kind of like giving birth. Women do it everyday, but you don't ever hear them complain about it because the end result makes all that pain and hardwork go away.

When my phone rang on July 5th at 10:30AM, I knew it would either be the end or the beginning of something wonderful. I don't even think I heard the nurse talking telling me who she was and explaining my levels until she said "I have good news for you!" I think my heart stopped at that moment. I was so shocked and surprised. It was by far the best feeling ever!

I've noticed that the infertility part of my life will never go away. Although I'm crossing over into the motherhood side, I still cry when I read about people that are debating about whether to do IVF or who have gone through several rounds of IVF. My heart aches for them as I too have been in their shoes and I know the hurt and agony of wanting a child.

Here is a photo of how I (sort of) overcame my fear of needles. I had to do 68 days of injections!

Bill and I also started a "Wall of Hope" on our bathroom mirror. I had many days where I was negative and didn't think it would work. So we wrote on post-it notes encouraging sayings to look at everyday and help keep us positive! I'm not sure why it won't rotate so just tilt your head to the left to see it! :)

Here are our two beautiful embyros that were transferred.

And here is Bill and I right after the embryos were transferred.

Again, I just want to thank everyone for all of their support. I can't wait to update everyone on our new journey......Baby Hale!!

IVF Retrieval, Transfer and Thanks

We went for our IVF retrieval on Wednesday June 22nd. They were able to get 14 eggs and of the 14 they were able to fertilize 11 of them. By Thursday 8 of the 11 had survived. By Friday 7 of the 11 had survived. By Saturday 5 of the 11 were still holding on strong. On Monday June 27th we went for our transfer. It was by far one of the happiest days of my life! We got to see our beautiful embryos up on the screen. I honestly thought I would cry tears of joy when I saw them, but I was so excited and over joyed there was no room for happy tears! I am feeling great and just hanging out at home on bed rest until Thursday when I go back to work.

They called this morning to tell me that our remaining 3 embryos would not be able to be frozen. They did not make it to the full blastocyst stage. I was definitely devastated and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. But I keep reminding myself that there are 2 beautiful little embryos inside me that need me to be strong. It is hard for me to understand how we went from having 11 embryos that were fertilized down to 2. Bill and I were hoping to be able to freeze the remaining embryos for future use.

We find out if our cycle worked on July 5th. I am so excited for it to get here! I just want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts, prayers and comments. It has been so encouraging and helpful for us through this long journey. As much as I will want to tell everyone if it worked or not next week, I will not be sharing the news. We have been very open and honest during this entire process and we want to keep any exciting news private until it is the right time to share. We also will need time to grieve if this process doesn't work for us. Thank you again for all of your support and understanding. It means so much to us.

Much love,

Kristen

IVF Update

So far things have been going great! We are currently doing 3 shots a day which I thought would be really bad, but turns out they are not as bad as I thought. And I learned if you want something bad enough you really can conquer your fears.......I've been doing some of my shots myself! I am terrified of needles, but am pleased to say I have been able to give myself the injections when Bill is out of town.

I went yesterday for my first scan to see how many follicles I have since starting the hormone stimulating injections. I had 12 on my right side and 9 on my left! This is great, but they were not at the "ready" stage. The follicles need to reach a size of 20mm before they are considered mature. The biggest one was 13 and I had a few 12's and 11's. I'm terrified that if they don't get bigger then my cycle will be cancelled. I know it only takes one good follicle, but realistically we want to have some that we can freeze so we don't have to go through the entire IVF process again. I go back again on Monday for my second scan and we are hoping and praying that they have grown over the past couple days. I definitely feel miserable in that area. I am bloated and just plain uncomfortable, but I know that no matter what this process is worth it!

Keep us in your prayers the next couple of weeks!

Something my last doctor should have found.......

Friday I had a doctors appt to do an SHG test and a catheter measurement. The SHG test is when they put saline solution into the uterus to check for any fibroids, adhesions, polyps, etc. Well unfortunately I had a polyp on my uterus. It literally looked like a speed bump blocking my uterus. So, Monday they went in and removed it and also did a DNC while they were in there. My doctor said that if we didn't remove the polyp it would more than likely have caused me to miscarriage when I do get pregnant. Obviously I have yet to become pregnant, but my first thought was "why did my last doctor not check for this? What if I had become pregnant through the IUI's we did and then I miscarried?" I was pretty annoyed that this was not checked before we did the IUI's.

I am glad that I have found a doctor that cares enough to check these things. And who knows.....maybe this isn't something that they normally check for until you start the IVF journey, but I definitely am glad to know that my high dollar embryos will be welcomed into a nice and cozy uterus with no speed bumps!

Obviously I am not a doctor, but for those of you reading this who are on the same journey as me or know someone who is going through this please suggest that they have an SHG test done before starting any procedures. It could make all the difference! :)

Mother's Day, Bill's Birthday and IVF

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I woke up with a heavy heart. Another year has passed and yet I still don't have a baby of my own to hold in my arms. And now I had another day to remind me of that. While Bill went to get the morning paper from the store I cried a few tears and then snapped myself out of it. I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself and be sad all day. Plus, I had reason to celebrate this wonderful day...my mom and sister. Two of the greatest women I know and I get the pleasure of seeing and talking to them on a daily basis. I can't thank them enough for being there for Bill and I during this stressful time. They are my shoulders to cry on and always have positive things to say to make me feel better. Mom, thank you for teaching me to stay strong and be positive. You are such an amazing mom! Lisa, I am beyond jealous of you. Those boys got one great mom. I love you both so much!

Today is Bill's 33rd Birthday! We spent the weekend hanging out and relaxing. We are planning on going camping this Friday night and maybe do some fishing on Saturday during the day. :) I bought him a Dairy Queen cake (because he always wants one) and he isn't home from work yet. I swear I can hear it calling my name from the freezer..........

We have started the IVF journey! It has definitely been an emotional and stressful journey so far! Well.....maybe more stressful than anything! I start my daily shots soon and am beyond nervous for this part. If anyone is good at giving shots and wants to hang out every day and ya know....give me a shot that would be great! :) I'm sure after the first few shots I will hopefully be able to master it on my own. Ok, I don't see this happening, but I'm trying to stay positive and convince myself that it will be really easy! We are planning on video taping our journey through this. Who knows if we will or not, but I think it would be kind of cool to look back on at the end of it all. Right now we are scheduled for the end of June to do the retrieval and then 5 days later to do the embryo transfer. It is amazing to me to think that in about 2 months we could be pregnant! I'll keep everyone posted! :)

Lights, Camera, Action!

Ok so our interview last night didn't really go like that. But a girl can dream right? We had the pleasure of being interviewed with Lara Moritz from KMBC 9 News! She is very sweet and made us feel really comfortable. I don't know when it will air, but I know it will be next week. As soon as I find out when I will let everyone know!

We also went to our new doctor yesterday and I feel so much better about the direction we are heading in. Dr. Riggs with Reproductive Resource Center feels like he is going to be the right fit for us. We are going to be moving forward with IVF! Currently our work is in the renewal period with our current insurance so we are waiting until that period is over to begin with IVF. Hopefully we will be able to start in May and then do the actual procedure in July. We are both nervous, excited and stressed about IVF. I'm nervous about the needles, excited about the outcome (hopefully), and stressed about the money (who wouldn't be?!).  It was more than I had figured it was going to be, but you can't put a price on a complete family! So pay we will in the hopes we get our healthy baby! Thank you again for all the prayers, thoughts and just general comments. They really do help brighten my day!

Making some changes

Well, IUI #2 didn't work. I was really upset last week that another round ended in a negative result. I went in last Friday for blood work so they could check for what they "might have missed." I got a call this morning saying they wanted me to come in so they could discuss my results. Of course I automatically assumed the worst. Most doctors do not make you come in if everything is ok, unless they need to discuss something with you. Long story short I finally got my results after making the receptionist tell me over the phone since the doctor never showed for my appt. Everything looked fine, although I don't even know what tests they ran.

We go next month to our new doctor. I'm really excited to go to a different doctor. Maybe one that respects my time just as much as I respect his. We are moving on to IVF. It is definitely a mixed emotion kind of thing for me. I'm really nervous for the daily injections and worry that I won't produce enough follicles. We have decided that we will only be able to try IVF 2 times and then we will move on again from there. Hopefully it works on the first try and we get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby! We'll see! But for now I'm just trying to enjoy the rest of this month. I'm trying to take my mind of the whole baby making thing, but that is definitely hard. I'll keep you posted on how it goes next month at the new place!